


Of Big Boys and Slim Toys

by Sour_Girl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Chubby Thrawn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I've been waiting for a fic like this for months but ya'll too weak, That's right, Thrawn is a little insecure and very stressed out, Weight Gain, Weight Issues, but at least reader supports him, don't worry i too was weak but no longer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-23 13:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15607194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sour_Girl/pseuds/Sour_Girl
Summary: You were a regular girl from a big city planet with a talent for technology and a thing for somewhat plus sized men. After working your way through the Imperial Academy, you find yourself eventually as the leading software engineer on the Chimera and have taken a secret, more than professional interest in your superior, Admiral Thrawn. After years of dealing with the constant high stress environment that is the Imperial Navy, the esteemed Admiral has gone up a few uniform sizes since you last saw him at the Academy… and you are totally here for it.-or-I completely defenestrate a staple of Chiss biology for the sake of this fic, that literally no one asked for, all for my lizard brained desires





	1. Chapter 1

For as far back as you could remember, you’d always had a thing for the “bigger guys”. Usually it was just an innocent attraction, and an easy one to pursue at that, in your cozy, big city home planet. Most people couldn’t wrap their minds around your little “kink” as they called it, and maybe you didn’t get it either, but that was fine, you didn't care. Besides, you weren’t really one for acting on your romantic intentions anyway, so it's not like too many people really even knew. 

Even when the Empire came along and occupied the planet, things weren’t too bad. There would always be plenty of well fed boys around for you to take a silly, romantic interest in. That is, until you were drafted into the Imperial Academy. A nice, sturdy boy here and there may have been a distraction, but thanks to your shy nature, your interest in, and understanding of, technology soared during your secluded studies spent in your room. Communications, computations, holographic displays… If it belonged in a ship or military base, you studied it. Big boys, slim toys, you always joked to yourself. 

Unfortunately for you, this innate talent shone bright enough for the Empire to be drawn to and “recommend” you all the way up through your academic life, leading to the Imperial Academy on Coruscant. Of course, on the surface of the matter, this was a monumental honor. The IA was only for the most talented, promising students of their fields. However, it was also a military academy where strict meal plans and routine physical training were mandated. 

So long eye candy, you thought. But that was fine. You needed to focus on your studies, especially in as cut throat a place as this. Force knows you’d spent more than your fair share of restless, tear filled nights after a stress saturated week. Besides, there was already plenty of hubbub circulating through the IA to distract even the most dedicated of students. During the final few months stretch to graduation, an _alien_ had suddenly been dropped into your graduation class, better yet, at the request of _the Emperor himself!_ Not only that, but he was sharp as a whip and had been known to completely embarrass more than one member of staff and student body members alike in various intellectual escapades. As stress ridden as you were, you always looked for the latest gossip surrounding this genius man, as your interest had been peaked.

After less then a month of hearing all the wild rumors surrounding this Thrawn, as he was called, you were more than a little curious to see him for yourself. In an entire academy filled almost exclusively with humans, it wouldn’t be difficult to spot a blue skinned, red eyed alien from the crowd. Everyone always described him as some kind of freak, nothing like anyone had ever seen before, even the Imperial Databases hardly had a paragraph to say about his race. You didn’t want to believe the rude, and all to often, insulting rumors surrounding him, but he was from… _the Unknown Regions._ It didn’t take a genius to know that the Unknown Regions were unknown for a reason. Ugh, just hearing one or two stories about the other worldly horrors out there could keep you awake at night, thrashing around to face suspiciously Star-Weird shaped shadows in the dark of your room. 

But one day... see him you did, and otherworldly, _he was._ Maybe not in a _bad_ way. No, definitely not in a bad way. A little unsettling to look at, sure, but at least he wasn’t a rotting space ghost. He was like art in motion; From his neatly trimmed, fluffy looking black (or was it dark blue?) hair, to his sort of shimmery, blue skin, and even his solid, bio-luminescent, red eyes. All that draped in his crisp academy uniform on a lean, toned body. If skinny guys were more your thing… _Stars._ He reminded you of those poster models from back home, the ones who managed to be as thin as possible, and yet still make it look good. 

Lost in thought, you found yourself staring a moment too long. You had been caught. Somewhat embarrassed, you quickly, and not at all suspiciously, averted your gaze to the floors, walls, _something._ But he didn’t say anything as he walked past. Hell, he hardly seemed to even care. But, for the briefest of moments and all in one fluid motion, he turned his gaze and noticed you right back.

\----

Things went on like that all the way up until graduation. You’d see him in the halls or the mess, almost always accompanied by his cute little Wild Space friend, and try to steal a glance at Thrawn. You didn’t like to think of it as “staring”, per say. It was more like appreciative studying. He was just so, well, _alien_ looking. Not that that was an issue. As far as you were concerned, as long as it walked upright on two legs, and had a proper nose and lips, you couldn’t care less. And every now and then, you could’ve sworn he’d shoot a quick yet “appreciatively studying” glance right back at you. A tiny flicker inside you dared to wonder if maybe, just maybe, he _liked_ you… 

Of course, that was complete nonsense. It seemed that every last human here had mistreated the man. Why would the awkward, _human_ software engineer, who made things even more uncomfortable by boring holes into him like some side show, be any different? Besides, he wasn’t really your type, you reminded yourself. Sure he was smart, and strangely handsome, but forget for a moment the fact that he’s clearly destined to be someone of importance, probably on a big old Star Destroyer somewhere, even if, _somehow,_ you two were to form a romantic relationship, there’d hardly be any time for down time. 

But the even more glaring issue was that even if/when you _did_ find time to have some gentle intimacy with one another, you knew you wouldn’t really enjoy it. You’d had your fair share of suitably sized boyfriends back home, and each one was a little different of course, but the one thing they all had in common, was an amazing touch to cuddle with and melt into. Warm, soft, and underneath it all, a sturdy muscular system that all came together in a way that made you feel so safe and protected in such a sprawling, unforgiving galaxy. After remembering that euphoric feeling from years past… you knew you could never receive that from Thrawn. How cold and hard his pretty body must be. You shook your head to clear your thoughts, and stood up to clear your spot and exit the mess. It wasn’t his fault, the IA had a way of turning everyone into an athlete of sorts, and some just so happened to already come that way. 

Besides, graduation was coming up quickly and in a few short years, the handsome blue alien would be just a weird memory of you and your awkward crush.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got jilted at the DMV today, so here have a huge, 2k word, mid day chapter update bc I'm bummed

A “few” short years turned out to be a _few_ indeed. It had been roughly two standard years since you had graduated from the IA, and with flying colors you might add. You bounced around from ship to base to ship as someone of your caliber was needed. Until, that is, you received the assignment you’d been waiting for. A _Star Destroyer._ You could hardly believe your eyes. Finally! A Star Destroyer assignment was almost always guaranteed to be a more permanent stay. In fact, the only way to get kicked was if: A) The thing got destroyed or, at the very least, decommissioned or B) You were a total screw up, and proved yourself inept. 

Tired of leaving friends and a few more than friends behind with each new assignment, you were determined that the only way you were leaving that ship, would be to go down with it.

You hurried back to personal office in your current posting and began getting your things together. The changeover would happen in just a few days, and in the meantime you would spend all the time you could studying for your new assignment. Once all your bags are packed you settled onto your bed and pulled out your data pad. The Chimera, it read. The details as to why they were looking for a new software engineer was lost to you, but that didn't matter. Scrolling through the data, it seemed that this was a fairly new ship. How exciting! After reading through the information, all the times and locations seem to be in order. You scrolled back up to the top to check back with the primary information listings. Ship dimensions, crew size, and then finally, Admiral in charge: 

Admiral Thrawn. 

What? No, there's no way it could be _him..._

Could it?

As your memory triggered, your mind was brought back to your days in the Imperial Academy. The intelligent, blue alien man was brought to the foreground of your mind as memories from what seemed to be so long ago suddenly resurfaced and raced across your brain. You would never admit it, but you had always wondered what had happened to him... it was quite obvious that he was intelligent, but to become an Admiral so quickly? It was almost unheard of... In fact, it was. As your thoughts coasted down memory lane, you remembered your crush on him from back then.

Back when you last saw Thrawn, he was the skinny outcast alien of the Imperial Academy. A small part of you was concerned if your old attraction to him will prove to be an obstacle in your coming assignment. But… That was silly. _You’re a professional now!_ The time for men would have to be later in your life, not now during the prime of your career. And _certainly_ not for the now Admiral of an Imperial Star Destroyer.

Still, you wondered why, exactly, _you_ had been assigned to his specific ship. After a little digging, according to the order of your transfer, it seemed that the reason for your assignment had been merely due to the fact that no one else was available for it. But, _how could that be?_ Who would pass up an opportunity to work on a Star Destroyer? Sure they could be risky assignments at times, but more often than not they were the most rewarding career wise... 

It didn't matter, you supposed. What did matter was not only were you finally getting a stable position, but you would finally be able to see your old, could have been, Flame from back in the Academy.

\----

Today was the day. A small shuttle had come to pick up you and your few belongings to transfer you over to the Chimera. Once you were docked, a woman in a crisply pressed uniform greeted you briefly and showed you around. You were shown the most basic of areas first; the mess, the hallways, the way to the bridge, the quarter master, and of course the electronics supply depo, until finally you came to a new private office that was entirely for you. Inside was everything you needed; a bed, a bathroom, a small living space, and an office off to the side. The young woman asked for your data pad and quickly loaded some information onto it before handing it back. 

“All right, everything you need to know has been loaded in here. Your work schedule and daily assignments are all there. We will expect to see you promptly at 600 tomorrow.”, She said.

You thanked her, and watched her leave, before taking a moment to yourself. _This was it._ You looked at your datapad, not bothering to turn it on, before tossing it gently to the side on your new desk. you walked back into your room and gave everything there a once-over. The bathroom, the bedroom, the living area... Once you had unpacked and finished examining it all, you flopped down on your bed and prepared for a night of rest. 

\----

It's been about a week since you were assigned to the Chimera and you had seen neither hide nor tail of the Admiral. Honestly, you were a bit surprised that as a filler for such a prominent position, that it wasn't standard for you to have been introduced. A part of you began to wonder if you had misread the datapad information somehow… After the next couple few days of worrying and wondering, you finally saw him. 

He was passing by on his way to the foremost point on the bridge while you were working in the pit below, troubleshooting a computer. At first, you didn't notice he had even arrived. Then, you heard that same smooth, velvety sound that hallmarked his voice. The very same that you remembered hearing in pieces so long ago from the Academy. You can tell by listening, his basic was much better now and he was far more easy to understand, but that wasn't the only thing about him that changed…

Even after all this time, you found your eyes wandering his body again with that same fascination, taking in his appearance and alien features all over again as if for the first time. It wasn't long until your eyes found their way down to his waist, and that's where the true intrigue began. Every other aspect of his physical appearance remained true to your memory, but since you had last seen him in the IA, he packed on more than a few pounds. His frame was decidedly wider, his ever cool and serious exterior settled on a proud, somewhat protruding belly, attached to a set of powerful arms as well as two thick legs, not to mention the harsh lines and edges that made up his face were now more subtle, and softened. It reminded you of one of the bodies often sported by the competitive weightlifters back home, the ones who ate well, but also worked out just as hard. The ones who were soft, yet legitimately _strong,_ rather than going for size _as well as_ definition. In other words, exactly your type. 

In similar fashion of two years past, as if the man had a sixth sense, he turned around over his shoulder and held your gaze in his. His expression was hard to read as always, but you suspected he recognized you. After all, he seemed the type to never forget a face. You blushed furiously and looked away sharply, getting back to your work as your mind lingered. 

Was that really the same Thrawn you had known only a few years ago back in the academy? Well that was a dumb question. After all, you had acknowledged yourself that his species was a rare one… It was just so hard to believe, he had changed so much since then! Well rather, his size had. Spurred on by embarrassment with a desire to finish quickly and be out of his sight, you completed your diagnostic and reported back to the captain who had requested your assistance. The rest of your day consisted of a few menial tasks, mostly managing the underlings in your field, before you retired to your personal quarters for the night to finish off some paperwork and be alone with your thoughts. 

\----

It had been a good few months since you first transferred to the Chimera, and more interestingly, since you had seen the new and, dare you say, improved Thrawn. However, all the while you had many questions about things like your assignment here, not to mention your superior. Luckily, years of navigating the social and clique filled pitfalls of the Academy had given you an adept ability to derive useful information out of otherwise mundane gossip. 

So far, as your knowledge went, the Chimera was lightly staffed already which, apparently, was due to the simple fact that no one wanted to serve under a non human, no matter how much his extravagant reputation proceeded him. On second thought, the fact that he _was_ just so sheerly and utterly successful at what he did, seemed to make others despise him that much more. Your assignment here was mostly because you were merely willing. The fact that you were far more than able, was just a nice bonus. After that revelation, the answer to your only other most prominent question sort of just fell out. 

Think about it, the only one of his kind for light years around, the Admiral of his own ship, in the Imperial Navy no less, despised by nearly all of his jealous and bitter subordinates and peers, and held to a fairly impossible standard of procedures and expectations that he somehow always managed to abide by… The way you saw it, it was quite understandable for a little stress weight to be in order. Besides, he even managed to wear _that_ well. 

The good news was that at least you had had the opportunity to make a name for yourself here on the Chimera. Not only was this good for your career, but it also meant that word of your proficiency would surely reach Thrawn’s ears. To your excitement, it all paid off as you finally began receiving his requests for your technological specialties. 

Force knows how nervous you were for your first private assignment. You made sure to put out your best work as the Admiral studied you in your element. At first you found it a little strange, if not insulting to be held so closely and obviously beneath the microscope, but on second thought… Thrawn was a smart man, right? More then simply “smart“, to be completely honest, but that's besides the point. The idea was, since he's such an advanced thinker, it would stand to reason that he would be more attracted to someone more on his level, an intellectual peer, if you will. What if… that could be _you?_ A silly thought, maybe. But was it really? Thrawn may be a genius, but a person is a person, and people get lonely. Though it was obvious you could never be a _Chiss_ woman, you could prove yourself a loyal, worthy, human one nonetheless. 

From that revelation on, work was a constant competition against yourself. You wouldn't have to _pretend_ to be something of a genius if, with enough hard work, you could _prove it._ You were relentless to establish yourself as the best of the best, going above and, if possible, beyond your duties. Important piece of machinery needed to be back online asap? Done. In record time even. Computer system needs troubleshooting or reprogramming? Done. You even upgraded it, if at all possible. Paperwork and documentation was turned over in a matter of days, and your superiors and subordinates alike were quick to realize your skill. Until, finally, you had achieved your missions goal. 

Thrawn, the big man himself, wanted to see you. _Personally._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to try and end this in three chapters, but I guess my inner novelist won't quit. Anyway, this should be wrapping up soon, but I couldn't end this without you guys at least getting some one on one time with thicc thrawn, so here we go.

Oh _Force._ For as long and hard as you had worked with this exact intent in mind, never once had you stopped to consider what you would do if you actually achieved it. Maybe you were just overthinking it. Yeah, that was it. 

You’d been on Thrawn’s flagship for a little over a year now and had had a good chunk of opportunities to work for, and interact with, the Admiral. You even managed to build a little acquaintance level relationship, and found that you quite enjoyed talking with him. It was true what they said though… He was a little _odd._ Clearly whatever social skills they taught back on Csilla didn’t mesh too well with those of the Core Worlds, but that was hardly Thrawn’s fault. Besides, it wasn’t as though he _wasn’t_ trying. There were a few times where it did sire awkward situations, but usually, it was sort of adorable. It was like watching a child who was learning to read or write, and how you instinctively can’t help but silently applaud them when they get a lesson right.

But despite all this, conversing with him could also prove arduous for… _personal_ reasons. Just by standing at a conversational distance from him, you could feel the warmth radiating off him, a wonderful contrast to the cold void of space just outside the Chimera’s hull. And as much as you wanted to just give in and let your eyes flit around and devour him, you knew better then that. You had spent many a night delving into any mostly reliable resource you could to find out more about the Chiss race. While several interesting facts stood out to you about things such as their practically universal cool and detached attitudes, advanced aging rate in youth, their politics, society, and of course, technology, two things caught your eye above all else:

1) The glowing red fluid behind the Chiss cornea gave them the ability to see slightly into the infrared spectrum, giving them a poor but usable form of night vision as well as a built in lie detector, as slight shifts in the heat signatures of one’s face could easily be read and interpreted as emotional cues.  
2) The Chiss’ homeworld was an ice planet and rather than rely on things such as fur or even a layer of fat, the Chiss instead utilized a highly active metabolism to keep them warm.

The first bit was a lifesaver, as you quickly did your best to learn to master your emotions so as to keep up a professional appearance. The second was just… interesting. A high functioning metabolism explained Thrawn’s excelet physique back in the Academy, but now? You eventualy concluded that if there were ways to manipulate the natural metabolic rate of a _human_ , you could just as easily do the same for a _near_ human. Poor man, he must be under far more stress then he would ever let on. You couldn’t even begin to imagine.

But now was not the time for this. You were about to have a personal, one on one meeting with a walking polygraph machine. You took a deep breath and put on your best professional face. You were a good 20 minutes early to your appointment. As eager as you were to have it, you were just as ready to get it over with. You knocked on the door to Thrawn’s quarters, not _completely_ forgetting your manners, and entered as the unlocked doors automatically slid open.

“Hello? Admiral, I-”, you walked a few steps into the living quarters, taking in the beautifully decorated room before facing forward again to look for the Admiral. You didn’t have to look far. Apparently, Admiral Thrawn was not aware of the common Core World practice of arriving 15 to 20 minutes early to an appointment, as there in front of you stood one enticingly half dressed Chiss. Thrawn stood next to his desk, the centerpiece of the room, with his crisp uniform pants and boots meticulously tucked into each other and fitted to his body. Meanwhile, his tunic shirt lay draped over the desk corner as the Admiral raked his fingers through his hair, somewhere between stretching and preening, leaving his entire front facing torso on display for you to see.

Stars, it was the most beautiful thing you’d seen in a long, long time. 

His body in general was quite thick, but even the gracious layer fat couldn’t hide the soft outline of solid muscle in his arms and chest, giving his entire form it’s pleasing shape. His belly was a little distended and shapely rounded, quite akin to that of a tired old CEO. But that wasn’t even the best part. Spindling around his belly, hips, and then lightly on his chest were deep, navy blue stretch marks, like veins of marble or a storm of lightning, were etched into his cobalt skin and accented by the tiny, bright particles fused into his alien skin. It was like an artistic interpretation of a storm in a star littered night sky, and force knows there was something about the raw power and chaos of a good thunderstorm that you simply _adored._

The Admiral took a small step back, and was in the process of lowering his hands, but you were quicker. You knew you had been staring, but this time, _hard._ Stars, you were mortified! Your heart was racing and you didn’t even want to know how loud and clear your facial glow was projecting the word “Lust”. Rather then let the Admiral find out, your arms shot up to cover your face as you turned away.

“Oh, _god._ I uh-, I. S-sorry.”, Was about all you managed to stutter out before bolting back the way you came. Your face was flushed more severely than you believed it had ever been in your life, as you raced to your office, like a frightened child. Why couldn't you just have arrived precisely on time? Why did you run away like a little girl instead of owning up to your mistake? But no, here you were, hiding in your office after practically obliterating the solid career you had made for yourself aboard the Chimera. So much for being a “professional”. Thrawn was probably signing the order for your discharge this very moment. God, _what had you done?_

\----

For an entire week you agonized over the events of that night. Every spare minute, you were prepared for the call up to Thrawn’s office and the order to pack up your things and prepare for relocation. You could hardly sleep, hardly eat, and your work suffered for it. More than one of your comrades had picked up on your bizarre behavior, but their reactions were either those of comforting “What’s wrong”’s or less then comforting “Snap out of it”’s. 

Until finally, mercifully, it happened. It was late at night and you were unwinding to the best of your ability, preparing for another day of mentally torturing yourself tomorrow, when your data pad lit up and sounded off with a message alert. It was Thrawn.

_Lieutenant (y/n),_

_Please meet me promptly in my quarters. I would have a word with you._

Your heart stopped as you stared blankly at the message. He had a fascinating way of turning as few words as possible into the most terrifying threats imaginable. You took a deep breath and laid down the data pad. It was time to get this over with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that thrawn scene was ok for you guys. We're having *literally* ground shaking thunder storms where I live, so I kinda got inspired. I know it was short, but don't worry, next chapter is aaaaall you two.


	4. Chapter 4

As per Thrawn’s orders, you arrived at his door as quickly as your sullen mind and body allowed. The way you saw it, this could go one of two ways. Best case scenario, you’re fired and it’s time to find a new job location. Worst case scenario, you’ve gravely offended him and your next stop is the wrong side of an airlock. 

...Ok, maybe that last one was a little extreme, but the Chiss were supposed to be fiercely proud and deceptively unpredictable, right? Besides, anyone who isn’t aware of the severe level of cruelty that the Empire is capable of has thankfully been living safely under a rock.

You took another almost calming breath, and knocked on the door. It slid open with an all too familiar hiss, as you entered, holding your breath. There he was. This time fully clothed, and leaning against his desk staring at a painting on the wall in the dim lighting. Or maybe at nothing all. What mattered was, he was clearly waiting for you. You tried your best to keep your emotions under control, but it was no use. This was the end, you were sure of it.

“You wanted to see me, Sir?”

“Lieutenant... Please come in.”, Thrawn hadn’t turned his gaze from whatever was so fascinating on the wall, or maybe he had. That was one of the things that made him so naturally ominus, you supposed. You could be standing anywhere in his field of vision and still not be sure whether or not you were being watched. You shivered slightly as you approached the desk and Thrawn directed you to be seated. You sat down obediently and waited a few moments in silence. Finally, Thrawn spoke.

“Are you afraid of me, Lieutenant?”

You stiffened. The question was clear, but… _What?_ This isn’t what you were expecting. “Well, I-”, you verbally stumbled, before Thrawn flicked up his hand, motioning for silence. A rhetorical question. Of course. You weren’t trying to mask your emotions right now, so obviously he could see you were. Thrawn walked around the corner of his desk calmly, before taking a seat behind his desk. The seat gave a small creak as it settled under his weight, and your heart gave an excited little kick. Stars, why were you like this? If ever there was an inappropriate time for, _that,_ it was now. Luckily for you, the Admiral didn’t seem to notice. 

“Do you know why I’ve called you here?”, This time Thrawn squared his face to face yours. He wanted you to know he was looking at you, meaning this question required an answer.

Might as well get it over with. “To terminate my position here, Sir.”

“Really… and is that what you want?” Ugh, again with the probing, mind game questions. How were you supposed to answer that? The obvious answer seemed to be yes, but then again, nothing was that simple with him. Did he _want_ you to answer no? Well it's not as if lying would gain you anything. As you had said before, walking polygraph.

“No Sir, not really.”

“And why is that?”, Thrawn leaned back in his chair which _slowly_ creaked again as your heart kicked again. He folded his hands just above his belly, awaiting an answer. 

Force, this was like having teeth pulled. ‘Why?’, what did he mean, ‘why?’. There was no way you could outsmart him, this was _his_ game, and you knew it. But maybe, just maybe, you could match him. You straightened up with confidence, and did your best to rein in your fears. You’d play along, for now. Alright think, now why would he _want_ you to stay, and how can you phrase it back to him? Well obviously you’re his leading software engineer, a position you’ve far and away earned… “Because, I do good work here and I believe this is where my talents are most needed. Sir.”

“I see.” You knew it immediately. _Wrong answer._ Thrawn turned his gaze to something on his desk, picked it up, and began fiddling with it. Without turning to look back at you, he spoke again in his slow, precise pur, “Do you remember, back in the Academy, when I was trying to decipher the library sorting codes and you _not only_ stopped to help me, but took the time to do a thorough job, and ensure that I _understood?_ ”, Thrawn turned his head to look back at you. Answer. 

Truth be told, the run in had been so small an occurrence to you that you had forgotten. Of course, you remember it vividly now. “Yes, Sir.”

Before you could get another word out, “And do you also recall the moment we first saw one another, in passing, in the hall...” That, you remembered perfectly. You would never forget how transfixed and in awe you were, despite his hard, toned body, the one feature you were glad to see gone. You nodded your affirmation. “Good, because I do as well.”, Thrawn went back to examining the piece of desk supply in his hand, “Do you know you were one of the first humans I had met who’s _raw_ reaction held no contempt, or disgust for me?” Oh.

Suddenly, the pieces began falling in place. Why you were stationed here, why you were having this conversation… Of course you knew that he knew. He was an alien in the service of the Empire, and a high ranking officer to boot, human contempt was all he knew. But not from you. Still though, to hear him say it… your heart broke a little. But where was this leading? He wanted you to stay… what, because you were nice to him? Because you treated him like any decent sentient being should be? No way, that wasn’t Thrawn’s style. There was something more here, but you just couldn’t see it...

“All this leads me to believe that you are an… open-minded individual. You don’t mind others who aren’t _like yourself._ Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been studying my people. The way you act and speak around me, the way you’ve been hiding your emotions and expressions. You’re far different than most humans, far more… _impressive._ ”, Thrawn suddenly stopped messing around with the object in his hand. “So why then, were you so eager to depart when _last_ we met?”. He had put the object down and turned his face slowly to meet yours. You studied his own expression, so cold and placid. Unreadable as usual. So you looked up a little bit, making direct eye contact with him. That’s when you saw it. 

The fluid that made up the visible part of his eyes, which usually swam around freely, like a healthy blood circulation that emitted a brilliant light, had slowed down considerably, dimmer too. Was he… _sad?_ You didn’t even notice that you _had_ noticed this weird eye behavior, but there it was. This realisation, combined with the bluntness of his words… _No._

The big scary Chiss exile Mitth'raw'nuruodo, Admiral of the Chimera, Warlord of the Empire, Favorite of the Emperor, and genius tactician that made him a once in a thousand life times rarity, not only had a semblance of a crush on _you,_ but was also insecure… _over his body?_ Well at least, he was now. Thinking back, he didn’t seem to mind too much when you walked in on him last week. Then you freaked out, covered your eyes, averted your face, and bolted like you’d just witnessed a gruesome murder. What better way to tell someone you find them revolting? You couldn’t have done a better job if you had slipped a detailed and insulting note under his door. 

What a fool you were… All this time trying to impress him and maybe, with a one in a million shot, get him to be “interested” in you. _He already was._ The you betrayed him. Your mouth gaped open once, then closed, then opened again. Stars, how could you possibly make this right?! You well, you liked him too… You just weren’t thinking! 

Thrawn sighed, almost silently, before the sadness in his eyes infected the rest of his facial features. “I can see that this is achieving nothing except making you more uncomfortable. Very well Lieutenant, dismissed.” Thrawn made to get up, your window to redeem yourself was picto seconds from being slammed forever closed in your face.

_“Wait!”_

Thrawn froze, barely an inch out of his seat, before lowering himself back to hear you out. It was now or never. Oh, for force sake! Shy, romantically awkward human girl, meets abrasive, socially awkward alien boy. Ths was like a bad soap opera… “I just-, I didn’t want you to-”, _ugh_ “Look, you just caught me off guard is all, alright? I wasn’t expecting… that.”, you finished weakly.

“So, you were disappointed?” You, disappointed with him? Ha, that was rich. Just the _thought_ of all his pretty stripes and curves under that uniform was enough to get you going. 

“No! No, not at all!”, you blurted out without thinking. You bit your lip and met Thrawn’s eyes nervously. The fluid in there was rushing around. Meaning he too, was somewhere between glad and excited. You wondered if you should just let it all out and tell him _everything._ At this point, it almost even seemed like he _wanted_ you to. You thought twice about it, but really… Would it be so wrong to tell this appreciation deprived man that you liked him back, _especially_ now, just the way he was?

You sighed, looking away, before returning your gaze to Thrawn. He was leaning ever so slightly forward, head tilted just a touch. Whatever you were going to say to him, he knew he was this close to having you admit it. Of course he knew, he always does.

You breathed out the breath you had been holding, and began. “It’s just that, ever since the Academy, I was always so in awe of you… How could I not be, you’re a _genius_ , the kind that only comes around once in a 1,000 years. But I didn’t say anything because I didn't think I’d even have a chance.” You paused to check for any reaction at all to your story so far. He wasn’t exactly flustered, but he did seem less uncaring than usual, and he was definitely interested. You took this as license to continue, “Then, after the Academy, I got swept up in work and didn’t have much time to think about what you may have been up to. That is, until I got the call up to the Chimera. Then I saw how you are now, and... “, you stopped again, struggling for the proper phrasing so as not to weird him out. Well, any more than you probably already had.

“And?”, he prompted. Oh come now. Imagine all the brow beatings and snide remarks he must deal with about his new size. Give him just this one tidbit of positive reinforcement. “ _and,_ I… like it.”, you squeaked out the statement as if your mere words were likely to detonate a nearby bomb.

Thrawn sat still and considered your words for a moment. Was it too late to show _yourself_ out the airlock? Then, tentatively, he spoke. “You would still find me desirable, even after witnessing my… imperfections?”, he gestured vaguely towards his belly with a blocky hand, but you felt that you knew what he was talking about.

“Imperfections?”, laughed lightly, incredulous. “You are so perfect, I don’t even know how to tell you.” There it was, the full truth at last. For the first time in the year that you had known him, Thrawn looked truly, sincerely surprised. What you had said was true, of course, but you tried your best to describe his scars and skin to him in the same poetic way you had recounted them to yourself in your private thoughts so many times before. After you had finished exposing your bleeding heart to the Admiral, he simply sat there, shell shocked. You supposed no one had ever told him anything like this before, nor had he expected someone to.

Your eyes flicked to the chronometer, which revealed the time to be extremely late. Especially for you, seeing as how you were now decidedly _not_ fired, and thus had work later, well, today. “But if I may be dismissed Sir, it’s awfully late…”, you stood up embarrassed and in a hurry, hands braced on Thrawn’s desk as you got up.

“ _Wait_ ” Thrawn jumped up and leaned on his desk too, one of his beefy hands settling over one of your own. You had been avoiding his gaze, but now your eyes followed his arm all the way up to those wonderfully, terrifying red orbs, just inches away. Before you could say another word, your delicate lips intercepted his rough, hungry ones as Thrawn pulled you to himself passionately. All pending work and tiredness was forgotten, right now it was just you, him, and the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was honestly going to end this here, but 1) you guys are amazing for having read this far, and 2) I am very selfish, so I think we all deserve a few "domestic" spinets in one, epilogue form chapter, before we end it :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm back! Don't think I forgot about you guys, I've just been busy plus trying to get this chapter right so you all can have a proper ending. But without further ado, here's your lengthy, three thousand word ending. Enjoy!

Over the next few months, you and Thrawn spent every spare moment you could together. Sometimes it would be little excursions, like out to the bridge where you would just stand side by side and watch the stars alone. Sometimes, it would be a simple, domestic day and you would make and feed him food that you had cooked from scratch, a practice he hesitantly objected to at first, but you… _persuaded_ him. In return, he would keep you warm with his elevated body heat, but comfortably so by breathing out small blasts of cold air while he slept.  
\----

You woke up in the fresh sheets and stretched. Thrawn was a few feet away, standing shirtless in front of the mirror. His hands were on his hips and his belly was exposed in front of him as he stared down at the few fresh stripes that had appeared thanks to you. Never one to pass up an opportunity, you sneaked out of bed and sidled up behind him, before resting your head on one shoulder, a hand on the other, and playing at what would be his waist with your free hand. You playfully growled before nipping at the skin of his jaw. Thrawn sighed heavily, a gesture you more felt then heard as it coursed through his well loved body. He rolled his shoulders and pulled away from you, wandering a few steps towards his clothes.

“Do you not have more _pressing_ matters to attend to, Captain?”, Thrawn worked his pants up to his hips, sadly covering up one of your favorite sets of stripes, the ones on his inner thighs. Usually, you loved listening to him address you by your newly bestowed rank in his deep, purring voice, but today you two were enjoying a rare opportunity at shore leave... _Not_ aboard the Chimera. Something was wrong.

You closed the distance between the two of you while he was distracted trying fasten his trousers. “Mmm, not today, _Grand Admiral._ ”, you purred back to him, hands feeling his broad chest, as you leaned in close. Thrawn jerked back, before pushing you away in the process. He snatched up his shirt and stared down at you from your new location on the bed, before turning and stalking away wordlessly. 

You sat on the bed looking stunned. You weren’t hurt, after a few honest mistakes Thrawn learned how to control his superior strength to be gentle with his delicate little Human, but you just couldn’t understand it. The only times he had ever thrown you on the bed before were for… _other_ reasons. Never simply because he was _agitated._

You found him at his own shore desk in another room, glowering over some paperwork and marking on it furiously. Seeing Thrawn outwardly express genuine anger was a rare thing indeed, and a scary one at that. But you were now just as agitated, and hard pressed to care. You tensed up and marched over, proverbial hackles raised, and yanked the data pad he was scribbling into out of his reach. You leaned down to his face, doing your best to looking menacing, no longer in the mood for playing, “ _Ow._ ”, you enunciated. 

“I apologize. Now please return my work”. 

You refused, not satisfied with that answer. “What’s the matter with you? You’ve been acting strange ever since we took shore leave together.”, your expression softened, just for a moment, "If something is wrong, talk to me...". Thrawn stood up slowly, leaning on the table for support. Were you not still upset, you would’ve thought it funny that he thought he could still intimidate you. Quicker then you could even blink, Thrawn grabbed his data pad back out of your hand, “ _I’m fine_ ”, he replied, as he re-seated himself. After retrieving is oh so precious prize, Thrawn sat back down and dragged his hands through his hair, as if _you_ were giving _him_ a headache. You saw this window of vulnerability and in an active attempt to agitate him, flopped into his soft lap and leaned against his plush stomach before he could protest. He _will_ give you his full attention, damn it. 

You wrapped one arm around his shoulder and traced little circles with the other on his belly. “Come on… What, you don’t trust me?”, you implored. Thrawn grabbed your roaming hand and gently, but firmly relocated it off his stomach.

Thrawn was silent for a long moment, contemplating whether or not your question was worthy of an answer. “Fine”, he started. 

“...Yes?”. 

Thrawn knit his brows and sighed through his nose, suddenly changing over to stern and serious rather than simply agitated. “Who was that officer you were with a few days ago… In the market?” That was awfully straight to the point for him... This was _definitely_ serious. 

“Ahto? He was a friend of mine from the Academy… _Why?_ ”, you suspected that you already knew why, but you couldn’t believe it. 

Thrawn cocked his head and looked at you analytically. “You seem to have an awful lot of ‘friends’, lately, who come back to haunt you.” 

Your mouth hung agape, as you jumped up from his lap, indignantly. _Male_ friends, he meant. “You _do_ realize I’ve had to network my entire _life_ to get where I am, right? And don’t say you don’t understand… You’ve had to do exactly the same thing, hell, you still do!”. Thrawn looked at you sternly. In this one rare occasion, he knew you were right. Maybe it was time for a different approach. You sighed, relaxing yourself, hoping your mood would rub off a little. 

“Come on ‘Raw…”, Thrawn twitched his nose at the invocation of his “nickname”. He didn’t mind it, mostly because as far as Human naming went, _technically_ it would be his “first name”, but you suspected it also had something to do with the fact that its sole use was unique to _you._ “Why are we fighting? Aren’t you excited for Ascension Week? The Imperial ball is coming up you know… It’ll be almost like a date!” You tried to add some joking laughter to your speech, but were cut off by Thrawn’s unshakenly sour mood.

“I would hardly consider a room packed with individuals as a proper ‘date’”, Thrawn turned his head back to his work. Whatever it was that was keeping him from being even _Thranw_ levels of “happy”, clearly wouldn’t budge. Wow. You couldn’t _believe_ this! Well if he wanted to be hard headed, fine. Two could play at that game… 

“You’re right, I guess it wouldn’t be.” Thrawn tilted his jaw ever so slightly at you. His head hadn’t turned from his work, but he _was_ looking at you now… “Since you’re so clearly ‘busy’, I’ll just have to get dressed up and go _myself_ ”, you crossed your arms defiantly. You _meant_ it. But more importantly… Thrawn saw.

“No.”

‘ _No?_ ’ What, he wasn’t going to _let_ you? That was it, your stack was officially blown. You took a deep breath and wound up to give the heated lecture of your life. Thankfully, Thrawn had witnessed the signs leading to, as well as the emotional decimation you could cause in this irate state before. Being rather impartial to the later, he spoke first. 

“Forgive me, clearly you are upset. I simply meant…”, he paused for just a moment, like he was searching the air for the right words. Thrawn had gotten up by now, and was calmly approaching you, “Wouldn’t you rather go somewhere more private? It would be like the ball… but away from, _others._ ”

And with that final sentence, Thrawn had unknowingly tipped his hand as everything came together in one big picture. Maybe this is why you two had stayed together this long. He thought himself clever with his way of twisting words to subtly hint at his true meaning, but you on the other hand, were the _mistress_ of word games. It’s not that he was trying to be controlling or wreck your fun, he was jealous of all the mostly sleeker, younger Captains and Lieutenants you knew from back in the day that would surely show up to the party as well. 

He was afraid to lose you.

Your expression softened with understanding. All this time together, and he still felt he needed to keep proving himself to you. How could you stay mad at that? “Why didn’t you just tell me?”, you asked. 

The corner of Thrawn’s mouth quirked up, thinking himself successful in dissuading you from the ball. “My apologies, I didn’t thin-”, you cut him off, shushing him, sparking his indigity. 

“I _meant_ , why are you afraid for me to be around the other Captains?”, you moved to take his face gently in your hands. Thrawn was silent, clearly he wasn’t expecting you to _truly_ understand. “I, love _you_ ”, you stressed each word, trying to make him understand exactly how much weight that little phrase meant in your limited, Human language.

Thrawn sighed and angled his head away, firmly holding onto your forearms. “Has my speech become so transparent…”, he hated that you could see through his games, but… he admired and loved you for it too. “You’re right. Is _that_ what you want to hear?”, he moved your hands from his face, “I’m… afraid, I don’t understand Human attraction, nor what has drawn you to myself. That is to say, I fear one from your own species would be better suited for you. Would better understand how to… _love you_ , then I.” 

You smiled sadly. He really believed that? You clasped your hands behind his head, pulling him closer. He settled his hands on your hips, vaguely self conscious that his stomach wouldn’t allow for you to get too close. You shook your head gently, chidingly, “All this time, and you still don’t know me? It’s not about what’s out here… ”, you smiled and traced the ridge of one of the high arching protrusions above his eye, “I love you for _who_ you are, not _what._ ” A little corny, sure, but Thrawn either didn’t notice or didn’t care. He smiled genuinely, as if that was heading in the right direction of what he wanted to hear.

“I know we’re different, and you’re right. You can’t love me like a Human man could, but the difference is, _I know that._ Just like how I think you know I can’t love _you_ like one of _your_ own.” Thrawn was silent as you spoke, holding onto every word you spoke. Before he could get too solemn, you poked at the arcing protrusion on his forehead, snickering mischievously as he blinked rapidly, re-calibrating his vision in that eye. He hated it when you did that, and yet he always let you get away with it. “Besides, I don’t think _either_ of us would be here now if we didn’t”, you laughed.

Thrawn took a deep breath as his agitated scowl turned to his small, trademark smirk. His eyes flared a tiny bit brighter, causing you to squint a little from the proximity, before he nudged you with the tip of his freezing nose. “No, I suppose, not”, was all he replied. Man of few words, as always. You knew he _meant_ to say something more along the lines of ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you too’, but for the very reasons you had just explained to him, you had long ago made peace with the fact that he would only ever use such phrases sparingly. He was… different, but hey, so were you, and you supposed that's why this silly little thing you two had worked.

“So, do you want to keep working, or…”, you slid your hands teasingly down his chest, stopping at the hem of his civilian shirt to play with the soft skin underneath. “Because I can think of somewhere _private_ that we can go to, _right now._ ” For all the years you had known him, you could count the times you had seen Thrawn smile with his teeth on one hand. Now, you could add one more. Thrawn grazed your temple and growled low into your ear, taking your meaning, and picked you up easily. 

Today was about to get much, much better.  
\----

The two of you had had a wonderful night at the Imperial ball, but the party was beginning to dim down. During a break in conversation with you fellow peers, Thrawn grabbed your hand and led you gently outside to one of the balconies. It was empty and a little cramped, clearly meant for one on one occasions. He leaned against the stone balustrade, hands on the railing, with your right carefully held under his left. He looked out to the sky line, giving no reason or indication as to why he had brought you here.  
After all these months together, you had learned a secret. When looking in any direction other then forwards, Thrawn would tilt his jaw ever so slightly in said direction. In fact, the motion was so subtle, even if you were looking for it, one still might miss it. 

But not tonight. Tonight his thoughts seemed to rest somewhere beyond the Imperial capital here on Coruscant. Not that you were jealous. Thrawn had been practically all over you tonight. Ascension week was coming to a close, and the officers of the Empire’s high command would be remiss to not attend tonight. Of course, this code of conduct extended to your beloved warlord, and where he went, you were never far behind. 

You’d spent nearly a months pay on your gown, rather then attend in your perfectly acceptable Imperial Uniform. You were planning on surprising Thrawn with a beautiful icy blue dress to compliment his own, natural appearance… until you accidently dashed your own plans. As it turns out, his infrared laced vision _isn’t_ something that can be “turned off”. Everything was tinged blue to him. Or at least, everything that couldn’t walk and talk, but you figured that was still practically everything. In fact, most Chiss even developed a distaste for the color when sported normally by everyday objects. It was maddening, not to mention headache inducing. And no, since you practically all but asked him, the irony was not lost on him. 

It was a bit of a curve ball, but in this line of work, you were nothing if not adaptable.

Besides, a little willy nilly searching later, and you saw it... Late that night, you proudly strutted into Thrawn’s shore office in a fiery red dress, the cut and fit of which accented your body and balanced perfectly between appropriately elegant and daringly revealing. His jaw didn’t exactly hit the floor, in fact his mouth didn’t move at all, but after weeks of searching his eyes and jaw to decipher his emotions, you saw that the latter had come unhinged a little behind his tightly closed mouth. The old you would’ve been _deeply_ offended, but after knowing him for all these years, you now know that this was as close as Chiss-ly possible to how, say, a Human man would react. And that was more than good enough for you.

He on the other hand, followed code to the letter and brought his spiffy, white Imperial uniform. By nature of the outfit, it was a little form fitting, much to his displeasure, but even still, he tried to blend in as much as possible with the other officers. In other words, if that meant spending the night in public and somewhat embarrassed in his Imperial regulated uniform, then so be it. Of course you reassured him of how handsome he looked all night long, radiating pride in your ability to call yourself his. You spent the night dancing with each other, talking politics with others, and now… Here you were outside, finally alone.

Warm huffs of Thrawn’s breath turned to wisps of mist in the cold night air. He was a little tired from the night’s, _activities._ You shivered visibly as a few sporadic snowflakes fell from the sky and melted onto your skin. You cuddled into your Grand Admiral, freeing your hand and draping your arms around his solid, powerful one. You were always cold, and he was always warm, making this match a choice arrangement. Thrawn leaned into you slightly, offering a rare sentimental gesture to make you a little more warm and a lot more comfortable, the kind of feeling that made you wish time would stop so you could live in that moment forever. 

You looked up to see if he had decided to give you his full attention yet, only to find that he had not. “Do you think anything’s out there?”, you asked. 

The corner of Thrawn’s mouth quirked up in a little smile. It had taken you quite a while, but eventually you had taught him that purposely asinine statements such as that were meant to be taken as a “joke”. 

“Who knows?”, he answered back, playing along. He must be in an incredibly good mood tonight to have humored you. “Would you,” Thrawn paused uncharacteristically, and cleared his throat, “like to find out… together?”

The snow fell faster and the wind blew harder. You turned to face him, unsure that you had heard him correctly. “You once said that I can never be a Human man for you, and you’re right. But if you are willing to adjust for me, _and_ give me a chance…”,Thrawn reached into his pocket and pulled out a delicate band, made from a metal and stone that you didn’t recognize. “Then it would only be fair that I try the same for you”, He tenitavely held it out to you. No box. No kneeling. It was offered as one might a business card. 

In a way, you supposed, _it was._

He was offering you the scarlet letter. If you accepted this, you would be branded and ostracised with the same title of “outcast“ as he was, if not worse… A _Human_ of the Imperial Navy pledging herself to an _alien?_ Preposterous. Disgraceful, even. 

You looked up into his nervous, sluggishly swirling eyes. Was this really even happening? He tilted his jaw down to look at the ring, and then adjusted just as quickly to look back at your slack jawed expression. “This _is_ the proper, final stage of Human courtship, correct?”, he blinked twice before lowering his extended hand slightly, suddenly very unsure. 

It wasn’t what you had envisioned when you secretly played out this fantasy to yourself so many countless times before, but somehow, in a way that only Thrawn could manage, it was almost better. Coming back to your senses and wrought with emotional fervor, you leapt onto your fellow outcast, arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and legs drawn near your torso to keep yourself up.

“I… don’t understand.”, Thrawn stiffened up, frozen in place. 

You grabbed a fist full of his thick, dark, navy blue hair and kissed him deeply. You pulled back after a long moment, almost as breathless as him, before whispering against his lips, a laugh in your voice, “How about now?” 

Thrawn’s mouth hung ajar, the most extreme display of emotion you had ever seen him display. “I believe so.”

He locked his arms beneath you and leaned back ever so slightly to help balance you on his chest and belly, smoothly easing you into several deep kisses of his own, before setting you down, and sliding the ornate ring onto your delicate finger. 

It was a perfect fit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, look at you guys, getting married and stuff! I hope this was a satisfying close and thanks again for reading! :D


End file.
